Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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