your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
