my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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