The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
