so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
