I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
