I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
