my phone needs a breathalizer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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