Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
