He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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