I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your cock deserves a montage
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
