1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
