it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cut my penus on the lid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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