i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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