You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize