i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
