My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
