His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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