All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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