That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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