I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
