When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize