Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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