if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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