I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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