This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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