Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
