Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
