I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
