you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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