Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
