She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
