Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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