i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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