I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize