Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
