I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
