So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
