can u get pink eye on your cock?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
