Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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