is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
