My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
