between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
