Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
