I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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