That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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