everyone is single if you try hard enough
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
