Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
