some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
