he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
