You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
