i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
