I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
