how hairy? two words: wookie tits
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
