one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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