So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
