you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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