Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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