cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
