im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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