hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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