Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
