One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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