I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
