Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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