I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
