I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
