My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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