she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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