Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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