Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
