ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
