I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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