Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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