i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
