Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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