i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
